Sunday, August 21, 2016

Darkness and Light

Here it comes again...the week in August I dread.

The day is approaching... the day I lost Traveler.

2 years have gone by, yet such pain still exists for me over losing him. The memory of that day and what happened, forever ingrained in my mind like it was yesterday.  Magnified this year by the loss of Tesla as well. And this summer, seeing other losing their trail partners to freak accidents and Colic. I know I am not alone, but it sucks regardless.

I cherish knowing that Traveler was doing what he loved, and that he knew he was loved. I was his, he protected me in that fall. I know he will watch over me always and he is forever in my heart and part of my soul.

Now here I am, having ridden probably a dozen times or so total this year. I had my heart broken again with the sudden loss of Tesla in April, questioning my will and desire to put myself through it again. But a familiar face drew me back in and I find comfort in that he and Traveler shared pasture years ago.

Prophecy is a light for me and helping me heal, with a bit of character like both Traveler and Tesla. The playfulness, the kind eye...the stubbornness, and even the wild eye!  He is a teacher, just like every horse is. He is a teammate, a partner, a friend.  He has another piece of my heart and soul as we head on this journey together.

My year has not gone as planned...But there is light that shines in the darkness.

I am returning to Iron Mountain this year. I am filled with many emotions about this, but I feel very disconnected from my endurance community and I want to get out and volunteer. I'm bringing Prophecy along for exposure and maybe some river swimming.  I'm a bundle of nerves about how this will go for him, and we aren't even competing!

My riding plans have been foiled all week by weather, today with both of us ending up soaked.  I learned he gets "explosive" when there is fear, but not to the point of running me over or the like. It took some convincing to get him to calm long enough to pull the saddle off once we went to a stall for cover, but I didn't feel in danger.  I have enjoyed grooming him, seeing the progress in mane and tail condition...and the giraffe in him that comes out when I scratch his belly - the favorite spot.  He turns to me for guidance and comfort when upset (like in today's stormy downpour), I know we creating a good relationship.

Many of us have darkness to face, but we must also realize there is always a light. We just need to allow ourselves to see it and embrace it.

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