Brought the ball out to play on Wednesday
Yes, my "plans" are completely derailed for the year... but I have come to terms with this... mostly. Other than my internal frustration to the realization that I've had plans derailed for quite a while now and wondering when things will go my way.
I'm hoping to ride for a friend - help him condition horses, maybe get to compete a time or two, and volunteer at close rides. My next endurance partner will present him/herself when the time is right, and this puts no pressure on me while getting the horse time I love.
I have found 2 different spots I would feel completely comfortable sending Prophecy to for retirement boarding if a Companion lease home does not come along (and that I can afford while eventually having to pay board for a second horse). I'm giving it some time to shake out; I wouldn't want to haul him very far in the bouncing 'winter' weather we have been dealing with...wind, rain, sleet, and snow (everywhere but here!) anyway.
Things will happen as they should in due time.
This has also forced me to think about what I really want in my next horse... I have my ISO ad all written up with the basics but will not be posting for a bit.
I'm admittedly gun-shy. I've had my heart torn apart 3 times now over my boys and in a kind of short time span...
Thankfully Prophecy will be around to continue to love for years to come in some way, but it is still heartbreaking to know that he never got to reach his full potential because of crappy situations in his past and things that perpetuated forward. Tesla was skin and bones when he was first rescued, but came out of that a trail eating fun ride with no ill affects... Prophecy was lean, but not horribly underweight at his original rescue...why couldn't he bounce back? I'll never really know the answer, I can only surmise and put my human emotions and justifications to it all... sometimes it just makes me angry, and sad. And then there is the guilt of wondering "What could I have done differently" the last 2 years to change the outcome, when the odds are the answer is = Not a thing would have changed this outcome.
He is still fun to watch move and play on a windy evening the in round pen...
The horse community never ceases to amaze me. After advertising him on the endurance page I had several contacts for retirement options and much support for doing what I felt is right for him. A few questions on if I had looked into X,Y,Z issue to which of course the answer was yes. There is always the pendulum swing though, and another other sites I've been accused of "giving up on him" when that is far from the truth of the matter. I'm giving in to what he has been trying to say for long; he hurts despite how much he wants to do the task for me.
For now I just enjoy his company and hope for some dry enough days to take him on a little hike on the trails at the barn we never got to ride, knowing he is well taken care of and well loved.